The title of this post is just a line from my favorite film, Jaws. I just thought it would be appropriate, being that this is Fourth of July week, AND THE BEACHES WILL BE OPEN THIS FOURTH OF JULY! It’s also appropriate because I actually went to the beach this past weekend with my nephews, and it’s been a while since I’ve been to the beach. I thought the whole time how thankful I am to be able to do that after all that has happened. Another fantastic thing happened to me this past week, a dream was realized - I got to shoot with my beloved 1st place NEW YORK METS! I’m always a little apprehensive about working with someone or an artist who’s work I respect so much, because there is always the chance of being let down when you meet them in person. I am happy to report that the Mets were truly amazin’ to work with. They were so nice, so accomodating, and gave us amazing access to players and to Shea Stadium. I was talking with some of the SportsNet NY people, and they were saying that even they don’t get the access we recieved. Jose Reyes, a superstar, was exstatic to talk to us and spent 2 hours shooting with us. Everyone talks about what a classy organization the Yankees are, but when we approached them they couldn’t be bothered with us. The Mets said comeback anytime, we are always welcome.
Here’s some snaps from the day:
Today happens to be the longest “day” of the year. The solstice if you will. The most daylight, the highlight of the year for minimal darkness. I’ll stretch that into a correlation for my own state of affairs, as it feels good to not be wandering around in too much darkness these days. It is Thursday, it is georgeous out, and I’m getting together with my sponsor tonight. He’s a really good guy, we meet in Manhasset, have a coffee, and read the big book together. He always makes sure to tell me that I am helping him as much as he is helping me. It’s the principal of step 12:
”Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”
That’s the reward, and one of the most important principles of recovery. It’s the work that must be done. My beloved wife often tells me to “Do good work”. I love that, and it motivates me.
Here’s a throwback for the first day of summer.
Today, well this week, is always an interesting week for your truly. This day, 6/14, is the anniversary of the death of my daddy, who departed this earth at the young age of 44 in the year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-Three. This anniversary falls on the week of Father’s Day (the irony is not lost on me). OK, you might say Father’s Day is just one day, picked for some reason to fall the 3rd Sunday in June, but it didn’t take the sting out of the circumstance. I miss the guy, he left me many good qualities, but I also managed to take on some of his not-so-great qualities. Now, these are things only those closest to him may have witnessed, but I got ‘em. I’ve only recently come to accept some of these traits and behaviors. The more I look at myself, the more issues I dredge up that I haven’t thought about in a while or may never have thought about. The old man left a decent amount of unfinished business when he left, and I tucked that business away and never looked at it. I’ve only started to uncover and look, and some of it is not easy stuff. When I first started this work, I often got tripped up and felt shame at what I saw, and that led me to fill holes and help medicate the mental anguish. I can’t use that method anymore…the consequences are way too grave. I’ve sort of come to realize that. It took a while, but I finally can begin to see.
As a tribute to HEB, on this day, here’s a humorous take on one of his heroes, Bob Ross…enjoy
Last Tuesday, my first day back in Manhattan after my 30-day stay, was an interesting one. I was on the way to an AA meeting in Midtown, when I saw I had a voicemail on my phone. I checked it, and to my great surprise, there was A MESSAGE FROM MY OLD DEALER! I had heard about this happening, but I never thought it would happen to me. He could barely speak Engllish, but I guess he missed me enough to call me. I found this insane, since he had never called me, EVER. In any event, I passed this divine test (it had to be divine - it was too damn coincidental), I called my sponsor immediately and continued straight to the meeting. Expect the unexpected I guess.
First off…my head is not hung in shame. I relapsed. I am not proud nor am I obsessively depressed about it. I just am. I am and I be. I just completed a thirty day stay at a wonderful facility in Long Island called Charlie Murphy’s Residence (CMR). I did much soul searching and a ton of thinking, and most importantly, this time I went because I wanted to go. I was in DENIAL before I went that is where I Dont Even Notice I Am Lying. I am back now and I am ready to work hard. Armed with my sponsor and my big book. Stay tuned for more musings. Glad to be back, and in one piece.